Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) teaches that emotional disturbance is largely the result of faulty or distorted thinking. Put in another way, human beings sometimes think and behave in ways that are unhelpful and irrational. If this is true, then we should carefully examine what we believe since our emotional well-being largely depends upon it. Recognizing this first step prepares us for the change process.

When expectations about others, the world and self become unrealistic, this could provoke emotional disturbance. Beliefs are termed irrational when there is little or no objective evidence for their support. The language we use to express distorted thinking typically takes the form of should, must, never, and always. Demanding that a thing should or should not exist when it does or does not is absurd. After all, there are probably no certainties in life; nothing ever really must turn out the way we expect it. However, believing this will probably cause a great deal of unnecessary emotional pain.

Rational Disputing is the systematic process of examining philosophies and testing assumptions. A question and answer dialogue fosters a critical evaluation of one’s belief system. In much the same way that a scientist reviews data in testing a hypothesis, we can learn to test our own assumptions by scrutinizing the evidence for ourselves. If the data does not fit, we can reformulate our ideas and test them again. Therefore, like the scientist, we use a similar problem-solving approach, although not always in a helpful way.

Given the fact that none of us is perfect, sometimes we stubbornly act-out ways of thinking and being that are not in our best interest. This happens primarily because our ideas about self, others, and the world often become well-rehearsed, deeply entrenched and second nature. The unfortunate result is that we achieve our goals less often, and get more upset in the process. Expressed another way, it is possible for any one of us to convincingly believe and act in ways that do not foster good coping. Consider the following example:

I must do perfectly well at my job for the boss to accept me.

Can we ever perform perfectly well at anything? After all, Olympic athletes who train most of their lives to master their sport rarely get a perfect score. If perfection is such an uncommon prize for athletes, who, by the way, make a habit of practicing, why should the rest of us be so expectant of it? Secondly, is it necessary to have the boss’s approval? Granted, it might be helpful to get it, but you cannot prove that it is necessary. Why? Because we can always unconditionally accept ourselves no matter what others say or do.

Opinions are not necessarily facts. We often presume that our own thoughts (or what others think of us) accurately and absolutely reflect reality! Part of achieving more happiness or contentment means realizing that people and circumstances do not have to live up to our expectations of them. Learning how to be more flexible in our thinking helps us to cope better.

That is where practicing Rational Disputing can help. We can learn a skill for dislodging well entrenched, but unhelpful beliefs. Rational Disputing helps us to generate reality driven ideas: the kind that promote our emotional well-being, increase our frustration tolerance, and make it less likely for us to get or stay upset.